A Warm Fall

I was kind of grumpy yesterday. Eek. Thank goodness for a good nights rest, a fresh day and that it's October in just a few hours. I feel like a different girl today as I sit here, thinking about the week to come and what's been happening lately. I often find myself wondering what it's like to have your own home and a place you stay for longer than months at a time. It has been such a transitional stage of life that someday I hope to look back and read this entry when I am seated in a home that I own and will stay in for a long, long time. In my mind and my heart, I feel like that will be a really good moment.

The piles of boxes have been growing around me for the last few days and I can already feel our days this week slipping through my fingers. After seeing that Calgary has snow in the forecast, I am more driven than ever to get the girls out to soak up fall. The weather here has been gorgeous. Honestly I think our house was cooler inside than outside today. I expected it to be chilly because of how cosy we were in blankets this afternoon but I walked outside to cloudy t-shirt weather. It made me feel extra strange ordering down filled winter coats for the girls to wear next week. Whyyyy.

Speaking of ordering things, I am a little out of control lately. Someone needs to cut me off from the shopping because I feel like I'm trying to do my shopping for the rest of the year before we go. Every thing I've been practical about not buying, waiting for sales, etc I am all I need to buy this now because I won't be in the land of free shipping soon and I don't want to add even more costs. I don't understand why Canadian shopping isn't as good as American but on the bright side, I may save a little money being north of the border again. Always looking for a bright side. That's what I will keep on doing. T-7 days!

My Girls & I

It's been one of those days where everything was good until it wasn't good. I feel frustrated, angry, irritable and in need of a lot of chocolate tonight. With the girls fast asleep, I am sitting here trying to sort out in my mind a way to deal with harbored emotion that doesn't include saying how I feel out loud. It wouldn't be anything very nice and I'm trying to let only kind words come out of my mouth. Easier said than done when you've asked your kid to eat dinner for the 100th time...

With all the negative talk aside, I have an underlying feeling of gratitude because through all this friction I can recognize refinement. It almost makes the trial bearable when you can see growth and change for the better. I feel my trials helping shape me into being a stronger, more gentle and patient mother which in turn will help shape my girls into better people. I want them to be kind, polite, considerate and understanding. I know that those qualities are learned from within the home. I want our home to always be a place of love and peace.

Sharing some pictures tonight that I got back yesterday from a photo session we did in Nova Scotia. I won a giveaway back in the spring with Jaclyn Doyle Photography. It was really nice to get pictures of myself and the girls. I am always behind the camera and I love having these memories at one of my favorite east coast locations. It was a hot afternoon. I stressed out so much trying to decide what to wear. Isla ended up spitting up all over her dress. The girls were soaking wet by the time we went home. Everyone was happily tired. It was a great experience with a hard working, really pregnant photographer. Thank you Jaclyn for spending your afternoon with us wild Dunford girls and I hope I didn't show you too many bad parenting moves ;)

The Forward Gratitude List

It was a day of packing. Every day I try to pack at least two boxes, hoping that by the time we get our truck next week it will be smooth sailing from here back to Alberta. It's been a wild few years that are finally coming to a close and I can honestly say, I am ready to settle down for awhile. My list of things I am looking forward to about the new spot we will call home keeps growing the more I dream about it. I thought tonight I'd write down some of that gratitude so in the dead of winter I can look back at this list and remember all the reasons I was excited before winter froze me out. 

1. Friends top the list. I am looking forward to having friends nearby and being able to do things with other Moms/kids again

2. Bath tubs. We haven't had a tub in almost three years. I am so tired of showering with kids. Bring on bed time baths and kid-free shower time for me

3. Laundry being on the same level as all the bed rooms. It will be so nice to never see fresh loads of laundry on my living room sofa again (current situation that I'm avoiding eye contact with)

4. Playground. We have one about 5 minute walk from our front door. I can't wait to take the girls no matter what the weather

5. A beautiful kitchen. When I've gained a solid 10lbs this winter it's because I plan to spend all day every day in that bright white kitchen

6. Separate bedrooms. We've had one if not two girls nearby everywhere we've been the last few years. I can't wait to put Isla in one room, the other two in another and shut all the doors at bed time

7. Ballet. I really loved the class Sophia has gone to twice now and I'm so glad both girls are signed up for fall classes. They love to dance, so much that I got a backyard performance (leo and all!) while we were outside tonight

8. A fresh start. I feel like that is what I need more than anything. It's been a hard year here. I feel like that is putting it so lightly too. I am ready to get out of here and explore Alberta like I've never been before. I'm ready to find a deeper spiritual side. I'm ready to be a runner again. I'm ready to discover talents and help them grow. I have so much I want to do. Going back to work better not get in the way of all the fun ;) 

And that's all for now. That list may seem silly but I haven't felt this good about something in a long time. I feel like the second I stopped trying to understand the timing of my life and started accepting things as they came, life and the direction I should be going became more clear. I am on the right track. 

People Matter

Photo Credit: Rebecca Rizzo Photographics

I'm not sure I will ever find accurate words for this picture. It literally took my breath away when I saw it today, overwhelmed by the beauty that is my daughters. Of course I am biased to think this way but it was like seeing them for the first time all over again. Sometimes we get caught up in the every day routine and we forget to truly look at people for who they are. The busyness, little frustrations, simply not paying attention to detail. We overlook people and we overlook what matters; the heart. 

These little girls have hearts of gold. I want to protect them, build them up and keep them close for as long as I can yet at the same time I want to set them free. I want them to experience as much as they can. I want them to be fearless and show the world what they're made of. I see the kindness in Sophia's smile in this picture. She is warm, soft and welcoming. Although she has her shy moments she will be your best friend and strives to include others. Lucy is filled with energy and excitement but hasn't quite figured out how to direct it yet. She bottles it in until suddenly she bursts, exploding with love, tears and usually a lot of jumping. She loves to jump. She will charm her way through life with those eye lashes. And Isla. Well, everything about her makes me melt. She is this tiny, wiggly squish that hugs you with her whole body and fills the room with sunshine when she smiles. She is literal human sunshine. She is the calm and the gravity that keeps my two feet on the ground and running.

The human race is so incredibly beautiful. The world is beautiful. I appreciate the moments that make you pause and simply appreciate the God-given beauty all around us. These girls of mine may be ordinary to many but they are a marvel to me. This is what life is all about. People matter, not things. I love these tiny girls of mine 

(who for the record I will still call my tiny girls even when they are all grown up)

Keep on moving

My mind is constantly turning lately. So many thoughts, so many goals, so much realization. When I looked at this picture tonight I realized it represented life as it is right now: simple, wild, happy, supportive, a little rough around the edges, a little out of focus but perfect in it's own very imperfect way. The girls picked out these outfits today and although I wouldn't necessarily take them out of the house like this (actually, I probably would) I was really proud of their choices. I loved that they chose to match each other in these crazy cat shirts. We don't even really like cats but we love each other. I also like how their pants reflect their personalities. Sophia is very straight edged, follow the rules kind of girl where as Lucy is a little spacey and overly loving.

It's been one of those days where even though it wasn't smooth, there was more voices raised than I'd like, too many pinchy fingers and crying kids, I feel fulfilled in what we accomplished. We spent time together as a family. We got a couple more boxes packed. After much debate we decided on family picture outfits and took photos with the talented Rebecca Rizzo Photographics. I can't wait to see them. I have Costa Vida salad in my belly (my third time eating mexican this week) and Survivor started again tonight. We are one day closer to a move that will bring about great change but certainly great things. Although life remains out of focus in so many ways, we are getting to a more clear place. I like this direction and I'm going to keep on moving with it.

On a completely different note, I want to say something about goals. If you are feeling unmotivated or like you aren't accomplishing much, set a goal. Big or small, set a goal. Set a goal for something you can do every day. If you miss a day, keep going. Missing one day or 100 days, doesn't mean your goal is broken. Just keep going. It has felt good to be here writing again. I made a goal to spend half an hour simply writing before bed time and I feel like I've dusted out the attic making room for growth. Although there's probably only a handful of you out there still reading, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad to call you a friend. Happy Wednesday!

"Let me live to be 100"

Anyone else have an irrational fear of dying young? I know quite a few people who have an age limit in their mind for how long they'd like to live but not me. Let me live to be 100. Give me all the birthdays. As long as I am still mentally sound, I want to live to see it all. Every single day these girls make me grateful to be alive. I find when we're driving in the car, the girls giggling in the back I start thinking about their lives and all that they will do. I think about how life can change in a split second and I hope I am blessed to be there for it all. I don't know why this is so heavy on my mind, perhaps simply because I love the life I live but also maybe because every ache I feel lately I think "I hope this isn't a stroke or a heart attack or cancer." Working in health care has ruined me. When did I become one of those crazy people? Raise your hand if you're right there with me.

On a lighter note, I found myself thinking about having a tiny baby again last night. I cuddled Isla for a long time, my girl who seems to be growing up at lightning speed and as I studied her fingers I started missing how tiny they used to be. It's funny how you go through phases with children where one minute you feel like you can barely handle them and the next your thinking "whats one more?" It wasn't until this afternoon when I brought the girls outside to take these pictures that I remembered how dysfunctional we really are and that we are one day closer to everyone smiling the first time. I sure hope they are more cooperative for family pictures tomorrow.

Lastly, I wonder if Zac Efron can actually play the piano because I'm sitting here watching The Lucky One with all the hearts in my eyes like a teenage girl. Forever a Zac fan.

Sophia's Unicorn Party

She dreamed it herself and we brought it to life. Sophia talks about her birthday party year round. Her fifth birthday party will probably be "frozen fever" and her sixth birthday, horses she says. It was a proud day when she sat down next to me on the couch back in the spring to start planning her fourth birthday, unicorns. We browsed through pinterest, googled party ideas and every time we saw something unicorn-related in the months to come she would say "that would be good for my birthday party." It wasn't anything fancy but she was so happy with how everything came together. Of course, as her Mom I added a few extra touches to make it the perfect day and when she fell asleep within seconds at bedtime I knew it was a success. 

Decorations: our main decoration inspiration stemmed from the Meri Meri unicorn balloon I searched long and hard to find. I love that dear balloon. Our plates, napkins and straws all came from Target. We teamed up with the awesome company Glam Fete to create a custom color tassel banner which really brought everything together once set up. I loved the way we could tie our colors together in that beautiful rainbow to make everything pop. They are truly the unicorn of tassels over there, simply magical! All balloons came from Party City

Food: we did our best to make our food friendly to everyone, including those guests with celiac disease. We divided the table by gluten-free on the left of the cake and everything else on the right. If it isn't obvious, we made the cake (a pinterest fail) but in my defence we ran out of time to give it the love it needed. It served it's purpose and then we totally threw it out after the party. Cupcakes came from a local shop called Cake Babes. Doughnuts were the unicorn from our favorite donut shop Vandal Doughnuts. Everything else was homemade from my sugar cookies, Mom's rice krispie treats, puppy chow, marshmallow ice cream cones, fruit and veggie trays and my sister-in-law's delicious chocolate silk pie. Yum! I loved the way our drink cans also tied into the color scheme. I'll admit, I bought them based on color and not flavor but the cucumber mint turned out to be delicious.

Activities: when everyone arrived we started the party by playing a couple games. Sophia loves duck duck goose and what time is it Mr. Wolf? We changed them to go with our theme, starting off with horse horse unicorn followed by what time is it Mrs Unicorn? The clapping, laughter and excitement was through the roof during these games. The adults quite possibly got more into it than anyone else. When we finished the games we enjoyed all the treats, opened gifts and then sang happy birthday for Sophia to blow out her candles. She was very disappointed we put a sparkler on her cake at first. We sang twice solely so she could have her wish-making-candle-blowing moment

Sophia was so lucky to be surrounded by a group of people who absolutely adore her. She had the best day and we're so grateful for everyone who contributed to making this day all that it was. I hope she continues to celebrate big as the years go by and that she always knows how amazing she is. There will never be a curly haired girl quite like her.